STORIES

Odyssey graduate Kate* believes residential treatment is so beneficial it should be mandatory for everyone, even people without addictions. “In a perfect world everyone would spend at least six months at Odyssey,” she says.

Anyone who doubts the efficacy of residential addiction treatment should meet Kate, an articulate, sharply intelligent, and quietly passionate advocate for the programme that saved her life.

Not that she saw it like that at the beginning. Back when she was referred to Odyssey House Auckland, she was too ill with a serious anxiety disorder and too addicted to alcohol to even contemplate changing her life. She was too busy holding on by her fingernails.

“I wasn’t in the space of wanting to change. It wasn’t bloody-mindedness, I was so addicted and the withdrawals were so bad that I literally couldn’t imagine being alive if I stopped drinking,” she says.

It was on her fourth admission to detox at Wellington’s Kenepuru Hospital that Kate’s world started to change.

A CADS psychiatrist referred her to Odyssey’s Co-existing Disorder service, which provides treatment for people with co-existing addictions and mental health disorders. The hospital allowed her to stay in the detox ward for eight weeks until a bed became available at Odyssey, something Kate is still very grateful for.

“So I was popped on a plane and picked up at Auckland Airport by [Odyssey] Admissions,” she says.

“I was resistant to the point that I had kind of given up. I was away from home and I had a horrific anxiety disorder. I was craving hard out. The longest I had stayed sober before that was three days.

“Even though I was determined to stay [at Odyssey] just six weeks and then go home, it didn’t take that long to shift my thinking. It was the staff. I have never encountered such unconditional acceptance. It was the first time in years that I had been treated as an equal and as an adult.

“At first I was suspicious of their motives because I thought nobody can be this nice or kind or knowledgeable and want to work with people like us – mentally ill and grossly addicted to alcohol or drugs. We’re messy and smelly and grumpy and violent.”

But gradually she accepted that the staff were genuine in their dedication and that gave her permission to “give it a shot”, she says.

Because of her co-existing mental health disorder, Kate’s journey to graduation and eventual life outside of Odyssey took more than two years to complete, which is longer than average. It could have been shorter but perhaps less effective if her therapist hadn’t spotted a buried trauma Kate hadn’t dealt with during her treatment. It added nine months to her time at Odyssey, but it was worth it.

“There was the time and the skill and there was the will to get that out on the table and get it sorted,” says Kate.

“Had I not done that work, I think I would have been at a much higher risk than I now am.”

The key component of the treatment method is the therapeutic community. Staff and fellow clients are constantly there to offer encouragement, pull you up when you step outside the rules, and push you forward if you’re stalled.

“You’re never out of the loop. That’s what I love. You’re always involved in any decisions that are made and the community is involved sometimes as well,” says Kate.

“If you’re inside something it’s quite hard to externalise it. That’s the whole concept of the community – you see yourself through the eyes of your brothers and sisters. It’s the concept in action. Other people see things you don’t.

“I think pretty much everybody goes into treatment with some form of ‘I can’t’. I can’t stop drinking. I can’t stop purging. I can’t stop hating myself. I can’t stop being anxious. I can’t stop the voices in my head. Anything. Gradually you prove to yourself and your peers – who then support you and challenge you when you don’t do something – that in fact you can do it.”

Kate says she went to Odyssey “full of rage” but she learned to control it.

“A situation arose when I would normally have acted out – and I didn’t. And I thought, ‘My God, where did that come from?’ It was because of the environment and because I was caring about these people.”

Nevertheless, her journey through treatment was no cakewalk. She found it hard to make mistakes, let go of her anger, and ask for help when she needed it. One of the most useful concepts she learned was ‘The Rule of Three’, the first part of which says: ‘By first doing I proved it can be done.’

“I was doing things that I couldn’t have dreamed about doing sober. Like cooking. I was in the hospitality trade and I don’t think I ever cooked sober. I would buzz through the kitchen, orders flying, no problem.

“I was made head of kitchen [at Odyssey] for that reason – to break the association between alcohol and cooking. It was a decision I wasn’t very happy with but I got to understand the reasoning sometime later.”

The second part of the rule is: ‘The second doing followed with ease.’

“You do it again. You’ve already proved it can be done so you know it can be repeated.”

And the third part is: ‘The third slipped by unnoticed. I had a habit of living.’

“So it’s habit-forming, habit-building. It’s learning by doing and proving to yourself that things can be achieved.

“I found myself writing all these things down – I called it my Achievement List. No matter how small, anything new that I did sober went in that book. Little things like keeping my cool for a day. Or walking away when I was feeling upset.

“Eventually you’ve got enough little things that you look at it and you think ‘Something’s changing here’. You can’t really wriggle out of that. If you’ve already done it you’ve proved it could be done.

“It’s the most important part of the concept to me. I really latched onto it and used it hard out. It made a massive difference to me.”

At Odyssey, making mistakes is viewed as an inevitable, even a desirable part of the process of getting better.

“I don’t think people should go through treatment no issues, no problems, no issues, no bust-backs, no challenges because that’s not useful. You’ve got stuff, that’s why you’re in rehab, so let’s get it out there,” says Kate.

“You’re held accountable. That’s another thing that is brilliant about it. It sucks at the beginning –it felt like getting into trouble and being punished–¬ but if I did it again I’d make the same mistakes again. Possibly I’d make more and see what else came out of it!”

Now that she has graduated from Odyssey, Kate is putting the things she learned within the programme to good use studying for a Bachelor of Alcohol & Drug Studies at WelTec. Her dream: to one day work at Odyssey House Auckland.

“My passion is definitely in adult residential. Because it’s literally do or die for a lot of people. Last chance alley.

“I’m scared for the country if residential beds are cut. CADS is wonderful, community initiatives are wonderful, but some people – like myself – need to be isolated from the community. We need to be immersed in treatment in a lifestyle that’s healthy, proactive, positive, and life changing.

“It’s life changing and not necessarily just addiction changing. You live it. It’s an experience, not just a treatment.”

Kate has this advice for people who think they may have a problem with addiction:

“Be honest with yourself. If you’re thinking about treatment, I think you need it. So reach out and do it.

“Look inside yourself. Find what part of you doesn’t like what you’re doing and listen to it. Things very rarely get better on their own. You can’t do it on your own – you need help.”

She says although the transition into residential treatment can be tough to handle, people should view their time at Odyssey as a privilege, not a chore.

“As a starter coming in, you’re scared, you’re anxious, you’re incredibly vulnerable. You don’t trust people, you don’t know what’s going on, and the thought of changing your life is terrifying.

“So I would say, go to bed, wake up in the morning, talk about it, go to bed, wake up in the morning. Day by day, hang onto your seat.”

Kate tries to spend one day a week at Odyssey to show the newbies what being a graduate is like and to answer their questions.

“They ask me things like: how do you do it? How do you stay sober when you’re not in the programme? The fact is, you just don’t need it any more. I haven’t got time to drink let alone the desire!

“I can’t say enough about Odyssey. It gave me a life. I feel whole, capable, loveable. I never thought that would happen.”

*Not her real name.